Back in the day
A vision of what life means to me
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It’s interesting how we don’t truly understand the impact of our actions until we have been on the receiving end. It’s almost like to gain perspective in life you have to live and learn. So the people amongst us who reflect the qualities that society most value are the ones who are the best social learners and are able to adapt from their own experiences. Whether it be that they have mistreated a person by cheating on them and years later you do the same with less emotion involved. It highlights how careless the mind can be. How certain actions are excusable because we believe that we have the best intentions. Unfortunately our intentions and actions are far from being the same. You can’t defend intentions if your actions paint a far different picture. I personally am probably very guilty of this. I forget who
I am and make actions that I don’t intend to make. I need define myself as a person and continually evaluate if am acting as I want to or if I am being too absorbed in the environment I am in. A lot of this goes back a stigma that you create in your own mind of who you think people want you to be. The place where you feel comfortable enough to share a small part of yourself without feeling vulnerable.
Back to my initial thought on having an understanding when you live both sides of a story at varying times. Some things we will never understand because we have never taken that same both or we are naive in our self-evaluations. Often we are no better than the next person. Sometimes we are unfairly judged on the eyes of others. Labels will placed on people in our life as coping mechanisms. I suppose that is human nature. Going ahead in life I hope my actions will reflect my true thoughts. That my judgements are only reserved for those I truly know. I only live my life. The experiences of others shape them in a unique way and as such their needs and desires differ from my own. It’s time to really be on my own skin and be the person I want to be.
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Desire.
Desire. I have so much of it but I don’t want to put my eggs all in one basket, or worse, in the wrong basket. Tonight made me realise that I worry too much about the consequences of my actions. I really need to take action and stop being selfish by stopping myself from truly living and preventing others from knowing me.
A main problem I’ve realised is that i want so much out of life. I want a great job and money to build a future. I want to share my love and create my own family. I want to travel and have the freedom to do what I like. I want to further my sporting ambitions. I want to party and live in the moment. Can I really do all of these things?? Surely there isn’t time to have all of these things. I guess that’s the beauty of prioritising.
Tonight’s main lesson is that I need people to know who I am and what I want to achieve. Even if I am unsure of what exactly I am going to do or how I am going to go there. My ambitions need to become reality so I don’t become of those what if people.
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I often wish that people from my past could be apart of my future. How would they change me as a person? Is it too much asking for things to fall into place? Will I soon say that fate brought us together? Maybe some people were meant to play a bigger role in my life. Maybe they will…the future awaits.
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The Jim Stynes Story
After watching his inspirational fight against cancer I now know that I shouldn’t fear anything. What I should be scared of is getting to that moment and realise there is nothing I can do to continue appreciating life. From this day forward I will live without fear. Learn from every person you meet, let every moment be as important as the last, give yourself the best opportunity of realising your true potential, and help those around you understand how beautiful they are. Live as Jim Stynes would.
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To feel the pain of others but have little impact on their emotions is a hard place to be in. All you can do is support and offer your wisdom. A broken heart is terrible thing to have and little can be done to mend it. The feeling of being lost, the realism that there isnt that person next to you to share in life…its wonder and beauty.
Knowing that they have that same question of ‘what if’? At this moment I feel how sad they feel and I know for now they will have to struggle for days, weeks, months…thinking about that person and if they felt that connection. Love is lost but can still be found. Just be open to finding it and cherish it while it is there.
